“I am neither especially clever nor especially gifted. I am only very, very curious.” – Albert Einstein
I hear myself say two words a lot. I hear them attached to words like fat, crazy, Canadian and deaf. I hear myself parroting them with an air of total finality as if the decision has been made. They must be true because I preface those things with “I am.”
But who exactly am I? When I try to make a list I hear a little voice saying, “No, I’m not,” about things that are both good and bad. There are lots of things that I am sometimes, a few things that I would like to change and lots of things that I wish I was but can’t claim as truth yet.
When I find a new blog or a new site and see that they have a huge, juicy profile I always read it with equal doses of envy and incredulity. Are they really all of those things? How miraculous that they can put it down in black and white and claim a long list of who they are. A quick look at Twitter profiles finds people who are: photographers, adventure-seekers, CEOs, dreamers, tree huggers, vegetarians, activists, coaches, artists, or yoginis. If you look harder, you can also find leprechauns and faeries, MBAs, authors, designers and comedians. I’m in awe of those who can so easily claim who they are. What if they find that they are not? What if they suddenly realize that they are something else?
By saying, “I am,” we claim ourselves. Like Baby in Dirty Dancing we claim our dance space. “I am” sends a ripple of power out into the world and creates a little bit more of our reality. Care and clarity is certainly required: we wouldn’t want a muddled reality!
So, tentatively, I am stepping out to claim a little bit of dance space for myself. No more passive use of those most powerful of words allowed. When I say “I am” from now on I am going to mean it.
Who am I? Watch this space.
xo
When I was at the British Museum in London a few months ago I took this picture because I knew what the totem pole must feel like: very far away from Canada. Most of the time I am completely comfortable here, in love with England’s people and history, and able to get by without too much fuss. Other times I feel desperate for home.