“What are the conditions you’d need in your world in order to feel like you were living in paradise?” – Richard Geer
Doesn’t that quote fill you with a bit of a delicious tingle? To me it feels dangerous and big. I’ve been surrounded by delicious and dangerous thoughts lately. They have been streaming out of the world towards me as if they have just all been waiting – lining up – until I began to pay attention.
Something I was reading lately said that everything you need to know is always all around you, but until you are ready for it – until something in you resonates with it – it will remain invisible. I love that. I played with that thought yesterday as I had a big-city adventure. I tried to notice what I noticed. Why did I see certain people and things and not others? More importantly, what wasn’t I seeing? What are my filters keeping from me?
I watched a video this morning by Christine Kane. In it she talks about being in the “Play-Big Zone.” Funnily enough, it was when she talked about “playing medium” that my little soul perked up. I saw that part: it got through my filters. Playing medium means that you feel like you are nearly there, but you don’t let yourself be bigger. You catch glimpses of who you could be, but then you get scared and turn away, falling into bad habits and avoidance tendancies. I heard Christine loud and clear right then and recognized myself in her words. But I don’t want to resonate with medium! So I backed the thing up and watched her video again. I paid better attention, and found that it scared me a lot! No wonder I hadn’t really listened the first time. Part of me wanted to make art out of her words and hang it on my door and begin to play bigger. The other part of me was scared: “But I’d have to take it down if people came over, because what if people saw it?” HA! and: “But I don’t think I can do it, it’s too much pressure.” Double HA!
Maybe I am really not lazy. Maybe I have just been avoiding potential. It’s safer and warmer here in the land of medium. It’s not too hot or too cold,and I don’t have to put my head above the parapet and risk rejection or mockery or worse still: success. I don’t have to forge my own way, I can sit and read about other people’s adventures. It’s nice here, all snug and safe and almost.
But am I finally ready for big? Are you?
Strange things have been happening to me. Everything, and I do mean everything in the last two days has gone completely NOT to plan. Everything. Even tiny insignificant things have somehow got caught up in this lesson in not-to-plan.