“All mystics speak the same language for they come from the same country.” – Saint-Martin
Where do you go when you don’t fit anywhere?
This question has been haunting me for a very long time. I – like many others – never quite felt that I fit. I didn’t ever really have a dream or a heroine that I could point to and emphatically say: “that is what I want to be when I grow up.” I thought I wanted to teach, I thought I wanted to write, I thought I wanted to run an outdoor education centre, I thought I wanted to get married and have two point two kids, but I never knew.
This past summer I spent some time in a place that is holy for me. From the time that I was small, Algonquin Park in Ontario has soothed my soul. Walking one of the trails, I realized that despite the steep climb, for the first time in a long time, I was feeling peace. It wasn’t because I had found any answers to my perpetual questions, it was because I was letting the park – one of my oldest friends – guide me.
I’ve been trying to distill the lesson I got into something coherent, but it is elusive. It’s not a sentence or a phrase, it is a feeling. To find where you fit, you need to find what feels sacred to you and do that or be there as much as you can. If go go there with an open heart and a willing soul, you will see glimpses of the peace that has been eluding you.
You will find that your fit isn’t so hard to find after all.
xo
When I was at the British Museum in London a few months ago I took this picture because I knew what the totem pole must feel like: very far away from Canada. Most of the time I am completely comfortable here, in love with England’s people and history, and able to get by without too much fuss. Other times I feel desperate for home.