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Brave

Brave, fear, inspiring women, love, Sacred Feminine

Big Fat Failure

June 14, 2010

“Acting on your own behalf is about slowly becoming a person you can count on. It is about recognizing what you do that causes you pain and acting on those insights.” – Geneen Roth

 

growing treeGo gently.

There is a tender soul there.

They are doing the best they can, but they can’t see that.

They can’t see the path that is spiraling around ahead of them, bringing them closer and closer to where they want to be.

They only see that they aren’t getting there.

They only see the times that they didn’t follow through with their plan or didn’t listen to their inner voice. They only remember eating the world and sleeping through and letting fear be the boss.  They only remember that they somehow let themselves down.

They only see that they are a big fat failure.

They don’t see the tender human being who is doing the best they can.  They don’t see that everyone else is struggling too.  They don’t see that other people sleep in and eat the world and don’t write 10,000 words a day or have perfectly clean houses or perfect marriages or easy lives.

They don’t see that they are beautiful and getting there.

Go gently.

There is a tender soul there who is learning their lessons slowly.

They don’t see that every step forward that they do take is worth 5 steps back.

They don’t see the other people who are looking at them and wondering how they got to be so wonderful.

They don’t see that they shine.

Go gently.

Brave, emotions, Wild Woman

Fear or Passion?

May 24, 2010

“If we don’t offer ourselves to the unknown, our senses dull. Our world becomes small and we lose our sense of wonder. Our eyes don’t lift to the horizon; our ears don’t hear the sounds around us. The edge is off our experience, and we pass our days in a routine that is both comfortable and limiting. We wake up one day and find that we have lost our dreams in order to protect our days.” – Kent Nerburn

 

monkey treeIt is possible to have an epiphany while watching daytime television. I had one this morning.  Stephen Fry was being interviewed about a program he has made about the music of Wager.  He said that when he hears Wagner, he has a physical reaction, much like the one you get when you are at the dentist and they hit a nerve and your whole body gets a jolt.  My first thought:  I don’t feel that way about anything.  My epiphany: maybe it’s reversable.

I need to say that I am not a cold fish; I do feel things very strongly.  The physical feelings of fear and passion, however, are very similar.  This morning I wondered if there have been times when I have mistaken one for the other.  To allow something external to have the effect of a jolt of energy internally is a very brave act.  To go with that feeling right to the end without running away from it or dismissing it as fear is downright audacious.

I have memories of being too much for people. I’ve been too smart, too fat, too messy, too loud, too old, too lots of things.  We have all had to quiet down, dim down, dumb down, slim down, or tone it down.  To stop being too much we needed to stop giving in to the bigger, brighter, bolder impulses. Passion and excitement began to make us nervous, and perhaps it was there that the feelings got muddled.

Nerves or excitement? Fear or passion? Jolts of energy. Un-swallowed tears. It’s time to remember.  It’s time to let go.  I want a good old big fat lump in my throat and I want me some healthy goosebumps.  Passion, you are officially invited back in to my life.

(Good news: I got a healthy shiver down my spine just typing this! RRrrooooaaaRRrrr.)

xo

Brave, emerge

Dear me,

March 1, 2010

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Not Good Enough

Not good Enough

Not good enough

not good enough

not enough

not enough

not enough

ENOUGH.