“This is what comes from dabbling. You can’t practice witchcraft while you look down your nose at it.” – Aunt Jet, Practical Magic (the movie)
When I was a teen-ager I decided I wanted to do yoga. Typically, rather than go to a class I read a book about it. The book I chose told me all about the diet and the philosophy and it freaked me out. Be a vegetarian? Meditate? At 16? You might as well have asked me to go to Mars. What would people think?
When I discovered new age and esoteric bookstores at the age of 17, I would spend hours in them, thumbing through books and wondering what it was that compelled me so. I’d spend so long in them that the smell would cling to my skin afterwards. I was too nervous to pay attention to that call. What would people think?
There is a great scene in the movie Practical Magic where Sandra Bullock’s character Sally has caused huge problems by using magic. Stockard Channing’s character scolds her with the line I have quoted above. But the only reason that Sally looks down her nose at magic is because she is desperate to fit in – she worries what people will think if she admits who she is. There is a bit of universal truth in there. You can’t properly practice anything if you are worried about what people will think. You can’t embrace your true self if you are also desperate to fit in. If you are dabbling in something, on some level you have decided not to admit that that is who you are.
On my shelves there are multiple dozens of books with a scrap of paper in them that mark the place where the book got uncomfortable. The bookmarks show where I stopped growing and stuck with dabbling. They show the place where it got dirty or scary or wild or raw or sacred or in some other way too much. So that is where I am going next. It makes perfect sense to me that some of my pathmarkers are bookmarks, because words have always been how I find my way.
xo
(picture of the Practical Magic green house borrowed from hookedonhouses)
Yes, dabbling is something to get started but growing is when you throw caution to the side and dive in head first. I think it’s harder not to worry about what people think when you are younger… so don’t be hard on yourself. Soon enough you will be shopping at waitrose in your purple silk pyjamas.
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! I’m not sure that was on my list of future must-dos, but it sounds like fun. Shall we do it together?
You’re right, I am nearly at the point where I could care less what other people think, and I think it’s going to be great!!
I loved this post, so true! It doesn’t help that the general populous believes witches who practice magick steal babies and fly through the air :o) If everyone was more accepting and understanding about the differences in all of us… it would be easier to just be who you were meant to be and your guides would be easier to find. <3
I actually define myself as a dabbler currently, because I want the freedom to tinker around. I don’t want to be pigeon-holed to any one label. There’s just so much awesomeness in the world and in life to explore!
I used to worry so much about what people might think about me. Yes, when I was young. Then I got braver and let more of my real self out. I stopped squelching myself when I sang in the choir and swayed if I felt like it, let the feeling of the music show on my face. And those other people….loved it! Being your real, full self is always best in the long run.
I really appreciate the way you keep letting us peek in at your process of knowing and wrestling with who you really are. And I can so relate to the dabbling experience, as well as coming closer and closer to the face of the bear from your last post.
My greatest temptation is to dabble with the concept of spirituality, never fully owning up to my personal truth that my spirituality is fully entwined with Jesus. These days, I’m getting more and more aware of and sure of my own story, taking new steps and making more bold declarations about that truth. One important part of this process, I’m learning, is not to apologize for it.
I look forward to watching you continue to claim your real truth without apology or fear. xoxo