“If anything at all were possible, how would you live your life?” – Christiane Northrup
I remember going to visit one of my Uncles when I was about 12. He had the most amazing music collection. To me all of those albums felt like magic. I can trace the growth of my CD/ download collection back to the moment I stood in his living room and realized that I wanted a cool music collection too. Can jealousy help us become who we are?
I started working at a summer camp when I was 16. One of the older counsellors was so cool. She wore converse shoes with huge socks (hey, it was the early 90s!) and the coolest clothing I had ever seen. I bought converse shoes on my first break, and wore them with huge socks. A year later I arrived at camp with a wardrobe and good friends of my own and watched as the younger staff copied the fashion of the older generation. Was it really about shoes?
In January 2006 I saw the adventure that some of my favorite bloggers had when they met in person. A week after they met, Swirly wrote a post that galvanized me to start my own blog. In the years since, I have made some incredible friends – and yes – I have even met some in person! It was jealousy that cracked me open enough to be brave.
The thing I am learning on my journey to create my wings is that every emotion is actually a message. Jealousy is nothing more than realizing that there is something that you want for yourself. I know it wasn’t about music or shoes or being friends with those specific women. Jealousy was me wanting to be more than I was. I wanted to be cool, to be accepted, to have my own tribe of women to meet. By listening to jealousy’s whispers, I have made decisions and choices that have made me who I am.
Now I think it is exciting when I get jealous! Jealousy does not take away from how happy I am for other people when they do well – I think it actually makes me a better friend – I can be thrilled for them knowing that there is enough for me too!
Doing some blog surfing today I felt awe and jealousy when I saw Jaime’s photographs, Jenn’s book deal, Kelly Rae’s success, and Danielle’s general blazing-ness. I want to celebrate their achievements and share the inspiration. Separately from that, I know that I want some of that beauty, honesty, and success for myself. Luckily I also know that there is plenty of that to go around if I work hard enough.
Roar.
What is jealousy telling you today?
