Browsing Tag

fear

Becoming Visible, spirituality, The Seeker

Becoming Visible

September 30, 2013

“Concentrate on what you want to say to yourself and your friends. Follow your inner moonlight; don’t hide the madness. You say what you want to say when you don’t care who’s listening.” – Allen Ginsberg

Door with lock Meghan Genge

You might not know it to look at me, but I have a real problem with visibility. I’m okay at work – I’ve always been good with a script – but when it comes to the spiritual side of me, I prefer to hide.

Ask me what I do beyond the day job and historically I have stammered something about writing.

In the past, whenever the blog stats started to go up, my posting stopped.

It was never a conscious hiding, but hide I did. Like a small creature curled up in its hole, nose tucked under my tail for security.

Although it is a monstrous cliche, I think that there is a trace of the witch around all of this.  Don’t show yourself to be anything but good and ordinary or you risk being cast out of the tribe – or worse.  But there is also a soft part of me that feels that all of this is rather tender. I don’t want to have to explain or defend myself.

Who knows.

The only one who has suffered is me.

But soon I won’t be able to hide! I am coming out of the woo woo closet and self-publishing my book!  It should be ready sometime in November.

For the next week, I will be in the wilds of the Somerset countryside retreating with Sas and Susannah, but after that, Project: Visibility will begin!  If you are interested in knowing more about my book, please have a look and a listen to chapter one here.  If you are interested in knowing when the book comes out – please sign up to my mailing list.

I’ll SEE you next week!

with love, Meghan xoox

fear, Uncategorized

Quickening

January 7, 2012

“There is a vitality, a life-force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique.” – Martha Graham

my eye 3

Dear Ms. Graham,

Quickening is bloody uncomfortable.  My body is full of equal parts excitement, terror and motion sickness.  My tried-and-true neural pathways are disagreeing with you and reading this feeling as fear rather than vitality.

“Eat!”  My ego is screaming.

“Self Medicate!”

“You can’t handle this. It is too big. Food will numb you. Grab a spoon and eat Nutella straight out of the jar. Don’t even move away from the open cupboard door. The faster you can get it in the sooner this feeling of terror/ possibility will pass.”

“Who are you to think about getting bigger?”

“Who are you to think about being capable of more?”

“The way things are is easier.”

“Why does it matter anyway? You aren’t special. What you have to say doesn’t matter.”

“Tomorrow is soon enough. There is plenty of time to do it then.”

“Go ahead, watch that re-run. You’re tired. You’ve earned a rest.”

But there is another tiny voice there that has been getting stronger and stronger. It wants me to listen to the quickening. It wants me to ride the feeling through to the end. It is telling me that I can handle it.  In fact, it thinks I have the potential to Rock It.

“There is a vitality, a life-force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep open and aware directly to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open.” – Martha Graham

Dear Ms. Graham,

I hear you, and I will.

love megg.

ox

Brave, emotions, fear, Sacred Feminine, Wild Woman

Is That REALLY Fear?

January 1, 2012

“Love bravely, live bravely, be courageous, there’s really nothing to lose.”

– Jewel

bridge st vincent megg

The powerful shifts of 2012 began this morning before I had even gotten out of my pyjamas.

My cells feel scrambled and the world looks different than it did 20 minutes ago.

I started the day listening to the last Circe’s Tribe call recording. In the opening meditation, Jamie had us visualise something that included a colour and an emotion associated with it.  The colour that I saw was pink, and when she said emotion, I thought that I felt panic.  I have been feeling that feeling off an on for a few months now and I have been swallowing that feeling down, giving myself heartache in the process.

I almost stopped listening, but then a question came into my head: “Is that actually panic that I am feeling? Is it really fear or could it be another energy? Could it be power? Excitement? Passion? The colour was pink after all?!”

The question stopped me cold.  In that moment I realised that I have the same reaction to all of the great big strong emotions. Afraid of their bigness, I call them all the same thing: fear. Being afraid of them meant that I stopped knowing what they really were.

That realisation brought on the most incredible feeling of expansion.

Then anxiousness.

Then excitement.

Big excitement.

And then I wrote this in my journal:

“Q: What do I focus on next?
I commit to meeting my emotions, naming and allowing them; letting them be as big as they need to be and expanding myself so that I am big enough and brave enough to hold them.”
“Q: What do I do next?

I commit to meeting my emotions, naming and allowing them; letting them be as big as they need to be and expanding myself so that I am big enough and brave enough to hold them.”

There’s that feeling again, but I am going to walk over and meet it face-to-face.

yes.