fear

“Imagine a new story for your life and start living it.” – Paulo Coehlo

Two weeks ago I quit my job. Two days ago I turned 40. Yesterday we bought two tickets to Costa Rica. We leave in March.

Two years ago we were both really struggling. We were struggling with the fact that we both feel like aliens most of the time. We were struggling with the fact that life does not give any guarantees on length, and that the happiest we feel is when we are exploring somewhere together, but we only get to do that for a few weeks a year. We were struggling with the fact that those few weeks off limits the time we can spend with the people we love. We were struggling with the fact that – on paper – we have a nearly perfect life, but we both felt like it wasn’t our life.

One day I hit maximum capacity, and for me, the only cure for that is a walk in the woods. I took my troubles to the trees and had what I have started calling a ‘Come to Jesus’ meeting. I walked and talked – out loud – to God, the trees, the angels, my guides, my ancestors, anyone, really, who might be there and able to help. The land I was walking on is the land where my Grandmother was born (more on that another time) and it takes about an hour to walk its longest trail. So I walked and I talked, and eventually the conversation became calmer and more focused. I went from desperate gulping words to a kind-of feeling/breathing. It all boiled down to one thing: I needed help. Any help.

I didn’t get an answer, but I came home feeling peaceful and connected.

Ten minutes later I sat in our office, talking with my husband about what we could do. He laughingly said, “Just look up retreats for sale in the Caribbean.”

ha ha.

Turns out God uses Google.

I typed it in and got a whole website. I laughingly read out the names: “Dominican Republic, Barbados, Costa Rica.”

I stopped.

We looked at each other.

I haven’t really looked at any news reports for that day, but I am sure I would find an unidentified seismic blip.

The YES that hit both of us was quiet, calm, but powerful.  The yes that hit both of us, was the hell yes of: of course that is what we are going to do.

And then life happened. His Father died. We talked ourselves out of it. We agreed that it was crazy. We shelved it. We got on with more practical plans. But it never went away.

So last October as I was at the first Redfox retreat, he went to Costa Rica. (Because moving somewhere neither of you have ever been IS crazy… right?)

On the third night of the retreat, on the day before our wedding anniversary, we finally got to talk to each other.

I said that leading retreats and working with inspiring people felt like home.

He said that Costa Rica felt like home.

So there, in a corridor in a manor house in England and a pub in a jungle in Costa Rica, separated by thousands of miles, we both knew.

Another hell yes.

So we’re going.

Bought the tickets yesterday.

xo