beginnings

Becoming Visible

May 23, 2011

“I would be safer if I was not so visible.” – Marianne Williamson

26763657_48558D8u_c A few years ago a blogger I admired put up a post closing down her blog. I remember that she wrote that “the kitchen was bare.” I can relate to that. I feel like the things I have felt comfortable writing about are all used up and the cupboards are bare.

For the past week or so I have toyed with closing down for a little while while I sort things out. I am in the midst of doing some shapeshifting. Even now as I type I feel raw and quiet about the things that are coming up. I have touched on them before when I began telling you about the stories that I wanted to write and when I claimed the title of talespinner, but when I got to the edge of that place that felt dangerous and real, I froze up and stopped writing.

There is still a place in me that is scared to go there.

More than anything, I want to be real. More than anything I want to write things here that connect us through space. The stories that are asking to be told are strange and wonderful, but I hesitate at their edges and worry that they will be too weird, too whimsical or too much – much as I worry sometimes that if I let go I will be those things – so I put down the pen.

But my delight at images like this one and the eclectic collection I am amassing on Pinterest show just how whimsical and strange and sacred my writing could be and I realize that I am only fooling myself. I am who I am. Forgive me if it takes a little while for me to get up the courage to show you.

(I don’t know who to give credit for this image. The Pinterest link hits a dead end. If you know, please let me know and I will give credit where credit is due.)

emerge, writing

Talespinner

January 30, 2011

“If you are a dreamer, come in. If you are a dreamer, a wisher, a liar, a hoper, a prayer, a magic-bean-buyer. If you’re a pretender, come sit by my fire, for we have some flax-golden tales to spin. Come in! Come in!” – Shel Silverstein

It’s taken until age 36, but I think I have finally remembered who I am. I say remembered because when it came to me I knew I had known it all along, but had put it away somewhere and forgotten all about it like a once-treasured doll now gathering dust on a shelf.

The process of remembering started last summer with the gentle knowledge of my Style Statement brought on during my participation in Jamie’s Circe’s Circle. During that time, Jamie also helped me to claim that I was indeed a writer, something I had not fully claimed before.

Then last week a book came in the mail and when I opened it and read just one paragraph I remembered a little bit more. It was not just about writing, but about stories – ancient stories – but it still didn’t feel complete. I am not and have never been a storyteller.

And then yesterday two things happened simultaneously: I had to write a bio for a guest post and I joined Jamie’s Year of Dreams circle and had to introduce myself. Bios scare me, so I decided to sleep on it. This morning I woke really early with a voice running through my head. “If you are a dreamer, come in…” I have carried this poem with me ever since I read it the first time. I had it pinned to the outside of my bedroom door when I was about 12, I wrote it on the wall of the craft centre I managed and I’ve scribbled it in nearly every quote or notebook I have.

“…for we have some flax-golden tales to spin…” and I remembered who I was.

So this morning the first thing I wrote was this:

“Last night I struggled to write a bio for a guest post I am doing on a friends’ blog and this morning I woke up with a new word for the bio: Talespinner. I’m not even sure it’s a real word, but it felt dangerous and magical and it feels more like the kind of writer I am aspiring to be. I write books that take ancient stories and wisdom and make them resonate with a contemporary audience. I want people reading my words to feel like they are sitting beside a campfire at the knees of their ancestors hearing stories that help them make sense of their modern lives.”

So there it is. Finally.

Yes.

Becoming Visible

“I would be safer if I was not so visible.” – Marianne Williamson

Talespinner

“If you are a dreamer, come in. If you are a dreamer, a wisher, a liar, a hoper, a prayer, a magic-bean-buyer. If you’re a pretender, come sit by my fire, for we have some flax-golden tales to spin. Come in! Come in!” – Shel Silverstein

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