“Love bravely, live bravely, be courageous, there’s really nothing to lose.”
– Jewel
The powerful shifts of 2012 began this morning before I had even gotten out of my pyjamas.
My cells feel scrambled and the world looks different than it did 20 minutes ago.
I started the day listening to the last Circe’s Tribe call recording. In the opening meditation, Jamie had us visualise something that included a colour and an emotion associated with it. The colour that I saw was pink, and when she said emotion, I thought that I felt panic. I have been feeling that feeling off an on for a few months now and I have been swallowing that feeling down, giving myself heartache in the process.
I almost stopped listening, but then a question came into my head: “Is that actually panic that I am feeling? Is it really fear or could it be another energy? Could it be power? Excitement? Passion? The colour was pink after all?!”
The question stopped me cold. In that moment I realised that I have the same reaction to all of the great big strong emotions. Afraid of their bigness, I call them all the same thing: fear. Being afraid of them meant that I stopped knowing what they really were.
That realisation brought on the most incredible feeling of expansion.
Then anxiousness.
Then excitement.
Big excitement.
And then I wrote this in my journal:
I commit to meeting my emotions, naming and allowing them; letting them be as big as they need to be and expanding myself so that I am big enough and brave enough to hold them.”
There’s that feeling again, but I am going to walk over and meet it face-to-face.
yes.
It’s always a good time to face fear, to examine it and break it down. Of course, it’s easy for me to say that when it’s not MY fear. How wonderful to start this auspicious year in this way! I’m curious to hear more as it unfolds. Happy New Year!
This post brought big, fat, hot tears. I too have been feeling that feeling, and I have been calling it panic. It has been plaguing me for months. I even called a neighbor a few days before Christmas because I finally felt that I was going a bit crazy feeling this and not knowing to what it was attached because the rise of the feeling felt so erratic and unconnected to anything in my moment.
He helped me separate myself from the feeling so that I could understand it and its source, and see that I was mixing up my own feelings with a deep, cosmic type, feeling of powerful shift out there in the world. It’s intense, and it was too much to keep contained in my heart where it was trying to reside. I’ve started working to allow that powerful feeling to go through me rather than just into me, and the panic is shifting into bursts of energy instead of bursts of heart palpitations and a desire to cry.
I feel the strong need to surround myself with wise women this coming year, and hope that I can count myself wise along with them.
Happy New Year
“but I am going to walk over and meet it face-to-face.” YES!
This is going to open up a whole world of colours for you, beautiful. I know it.
((hugs))
When I feel that panic, I remind myself that, stripped of any story, the feeling is pure energy. That’s not a bad thing, and it won’t kill me. Takes the edge right off.
Yep. You really are growing and expanding and becoming so very beautiful.
Fear is the biggest beast, isn’t it? It’s frustrating sometimes, how much it can hold us prisoner. But it’s amazing how it can shrink when a light is shed upon it.