I Am

Now, in a shift of light, the shadows of birds are more pronounced on the gallery’s white wall. The shadow of each bird is speaking to me. Each shadow doubles the velocity, ferocity of forms. The shadow, my shadow now merges with theirs. Descension. Ascension. The velocity of wings creates the whisper to awaken….

I want to feel both the beauty and the pain of the age we are living in. I want to survive my life without becoming numb. I want to speak and comprehend words of wounding without having these words become the landscape where I dwell. I want to possess a light touch that can elevate darkness to the realm of stars.

– Terry Tempest Williams, When Women Were Birds

In yesterday’s post I talked about archetypes and God, witches and the divine feminine. I claimed back a little piece of who I am. I’ve done this many many many times before: claiming back a little bit of myself each time.

The trouble is, each time I claim a little bit back, I can see how much bigger, braver, bolder and more magical I could be. Each time I try to write a bio, or choose my ‘thing’, I am given a glimpse of who/ what/ how else I could be.

I read somewhere that, “I am” is the most powerful affirmation. I read somewhere else that it is the most powerful spell. It’s also is part of a common English translation of the answer God gave when Moses asked for his name: “I Am that I Am”, he answered. (Hebrew Bible, Exodus 3:14)

So “I am…” is actually the most powerful invocation of all.

And very worthy of our respect.

Last week we went on an adventure to Arnos Vale Cemetery in Bristol. I don’t know very much of its story, but much of the cemetery is overgrown, many of the graves crumbling or falling down, lost or being lost to the trees and vines. It is a place where you cannot help but be reminded of your own mortality and of the complete impermanence of anything physical.

This brings me back – pulling all of the cliches around me – to the eternal question: who am I? I guess at this stage my answer is simple: I have no idea who I am. I am so much bigger, bolder, and more magical – more divine – than I can possibly imagine. Anything I can dream of and for myself isn’t big enough to match the possibility of me. I am a brief moment in time, a sparkle in my parents’ eye, and an eternity.

I am an embodied soul: a little bit of God, having a human experience.

Just imagine the possibilities!

“I am larger, better than I thought, I did not know I held so much goodness.” – Walt Whitman

(This is the second of three ‘coming out’ posts that will be coming out this week. Here is the first one. I’m making some changes around here. Stay tuned!)