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“let us risk remembering that we never stop silently loving those we once loved out loud.” – Oriah Mountain Dreamer

My thoughts are deep and thick today. I woke from a dream of very old friends to find that they all remained in bed with me for a long time. I dreamed of one summer when I was a part of a strange group of friends who spent every waking minute together. It was a summer where I loved a boy, but we were never alone together because we were always with everyone else. When I woke up, a dozen other summers crawled into bed with us. Summers of laughter and drama and sunshine and families and friends. One dear friend who we have since lost curled up beside me and whispered in my ear, reminding me of the times we laughed so hard we had to hold onto each other for support. Another boy I once loved laughed and said he sometimes remembered me too and how was I? I never did get back to sleep. I lay there in the dark between remembered laughter and tears for a long time.

If I know anything for sure it’s that life is precious, but I forget it sometimes. What part of my life right now will I remember with fondness in years to come? Who who is part of me now will only be a memory as I lie in the dark on a winter’s morning? At the time, I would never have believed that those people who were as necessary to me as breathing would not be in my life anymore ten years, twenty years later. But here I am.

Now that I am awake and alone again, I am thinking of Oriah’s quote: “Let us risk remembering that we never stop silently loving those we once loved out loud.” It comforts me to know that they are still there; that they will come and crawl into bed with me once in a while. Missing someone means that you really did love them. Perhaps some of them miss me too.

“People come and go in your life, but they never leave your dreams. Once they are in your subconscious, they are immortal.” – Patricia Hampl