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Becoming Visible, spirituality, The Seeker

Becoming Visible

September 30, 2013

“Concentrate on what you want to say to yourself and your friends. Follow your inner moonlight; don’t hide the madness. You say what you want to say when you don’t care who’s listening.” – Allen Ginsberg

Door with lock Meghan Genge

You might not know it to look at me, but I have a real problem with visibility. I’m okay at work – I’ve always been good with a script – but when it comes to the spiritual side of me, I prefer to hide.

Ask me what I do beyond the day job and historically I have stammered something about writing.

In the past, whenever the blog stats started to go up, my posting stopped.

It was never a conscious hiding, but hide I did. Like a small creature curled up in its hole, nose tucked under my tail for security.

Although it is a monstrous cliche, I think that there is a trace of the witch around all of this.  Don’t show yourself to be anything but good and ordinary or you risk being cast out of the tribe – or worse.  But there is also a soft part of me that feels that all of this is rather tender. I don’t want to have to explain or defend myself.

Who knows.

The only one who has suffered is me.

But soon I won’t be able to hide! I am coming out of the woo woo closet and self-publishing my book!  It should be ready sometime in November.

For the next week, I will be in the wilds of the Somerset countryside retreating with Sas and Susannah, but after that, Project: Visibility will begin!  If you are interested in knowing more about my book, please have a look and a listen to chapter one here.  If you are interested in knowing when the book comes out – please sign up to my mailing list.

I’ll SEE you next week!

with love, Meghan xoox

fire, The Seeker

My Own Fire

August 4, 2013

“In ancient times, the main purpose of nightly Council Fires was to learn how to listen.” – Jamie Sams & Twylah Nitsch

 

Campfire by Don GengeSomewhere along the line and at some point in the past few years, I got lost. Looking around for a steady place to stand, I found only other people’s ideas of what life should be like.

Over the past few months it has come to me very clearly:

I am living someone else’s dream life.

I have mostly done what I should do. Even though I have misbehaved along the way, I still ended up in a place where I can’t see my own reflection.

I have stuff I don’t need. I fight battles that do not matter. I am weighed down by unexpressed longings and unwritten words.

I don’t care about things that other people seem to believe in. I don’t long for the latest anything.

This is not a sad story,

This is my declaration of independence.

I have lit my own council fire, but it is a council of only one.

Through the flames I will look into my own eyes

And know my place.

 

xo

 

Photograph by Don Genge 

Note: This is a re-publish of a post that was lost during my recent web difficulties. The good news is I’m finally back on line!

Musings, spirituality, The Seeker

The power of I am.

September 13, 2010

“I am neither especially clever nor especially gifted. I am only very, very curious.” – Albert Einstein

 

window bathI hear myself say two words a lot.  I hear them attached to words like fat, crazy, Canadian and deaf.  I hear myself parroting them with an air of total finality as if the decision has been made.  They must be true because I preface those things with “I am.”

But who exactly am I?  When I try to make a list I hear a little voice saying, “No, I’m not,” about things that are both good and bad.  There are lots of things that I am sometimes, a few things that I would like to change and lots of things that I wish I was but can’t claim as truth yet.

When I find a new blog or a new site and see that they have a huge, juicy profile I always read it with equal doses of envy and incredulity.  Are they really all of those things?  How miraculous that they can put it down in black and white and claim a long list of who they are.  A quick look at Twitter profiles finds people who are: photographers, adventure-seekers, CEOs, dreamers, tree huggers, vegetarians, activists, coaches, artists, or yoginis.  If you look harder, you can also find leprechauns and faeries, MBAs, authors, designers and comedians.  I’m in awe of those who can so easily claim who they are.  What if they find that they are not?  What if they suddenly realize that they are something else?

By saying, “I am,” we claim ourselves.  Like Baby in Dirty Dancing we claim our dance space.  “I am” sends a ripple of power out into the world and creates a little bit more of our reality.  Care and clarity is certainly required: we wouldn’t want a muddled reality!

So, tentatively, I am stepping out to claim a little bit of dance space for myself.  No more passive use of those most powerful of words allowed.  When I say “I am” from now on I am going to mean it.

Who am I?  Watch this space.

xo