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Deer Medicine

August 8, 2011

“…be confident enough to say, ‘This is what I believe in. This is what I like. This is my soul, exposed.” – Geraldine James Creative Walls

 

3825745_lydSaXs8_cI am lucky enough to have a commute that consists of a 10 minute walk in the country.  Up until this week I always took the same route because I thought it was quicker.  Well, the crazy train threatened to stop at my station this week and I was desperate not to fall into old patterns of woe and angst so I decided to shake things up.  Four mornings ago I turned right instead of left and walked a different way through the woods.

On day one I noticed a lone deer standing underneath a tree.  I noticed, I whispered hello, but I kept on going: earphones in, walk determined, and focus clearly pointed ahead.  Heavy things were weighing on my mind and I was afraid to be late for work.

On day two as I turned down the last path through a bit of woods, I startled a deer. It ran across the path in front of me and away through the trees.  I looked up from the path and watched it go, and then hurried on to work.

Yesterday – the day before the crazy train was due to arrive – feeling a bit disconnected and nervous, I sat still in the morning and asked for some help to get through the next couple of days. Then I put a podcast on my ipod and walked to work.  I have no idea why, but for some reason about half way there, I stopped in my tracks. It was like I had been halted.  Looking up I realized that not 5 feet away from me stood two deer – a male and a female – standing and staring right back at me.  The next thing I heard was the voice on the ipod say, “NOW do I have your attention?” I laughed out loud, but the deer didn’t move.  They just stood there and watched me right back until I finally went on my way.

I was filled up with the knowledge that I was not alone and that everything was going to be okay – whatever happened.  Ted Andrews says that the original meaning of deer is ‘wild animal.’  He also says that: “When deer show up there is an opportunity to express gentle love that will open new doors to adventure for you.”  Crazy train averted.

Lessons, it seems, are repeated until you get them.

The photograph is ‘Three Deer Glade” by Mark Simms. Winner of the UK Wildlife Photography Competition 2010. http://www.wildlifeextra.com/go/photo/uk-wildlife-photography010.html
Quotes, sacred, Stillness, totems

oh Canada…

June 28, 2011

Don Genge Camping web

Lost

Stand still. The trees ahead and bushes beside you
Are not lost. Wherever you are is called Here,
And you must treat it as a powerful stranger,
Must ask permission to know it and be known.
The forest breathes. Listen. It answers,
I have made this place around you.
If you leave it, you may come back again, saying Here.
No two trees are the same to Raven.

No two branches are the same to Wren.
If what a tree or a bush does is lost on you,
You are surely lost. Stand still. The forest knows
Where you are. You must let it find you.

-David Wagoner

I’m off tomorrow for a trip home.  Me and the family and the trees need some time together.  I may see you here while I am there but if not, I’ll see you when I get back.

Photo by my Dad.

xo

sacred, Sacred Feminine

I know who I am.

October 18, 2010

“Unstiffen your supple body. Unchatter your quiet mind. Unfreeze your fiery heart.” – Celeste West

 

goddess knocker door

I have known it all along.

I’ve known it since my fingers tingled reading The Mists of Avalon for the first time.  But then I put the book away, afraid of where there was room for goddesses and magic in my good Christian life.

I’ve known it since I read my first SARK book, tucked up in bed and breathing differently for the first time. But then I put the book on my bookshelf and decided I was not an artist after all.

I have known it since my friend Carla showed me her tattoo of a woman giving birth and something about the symbol stuck with me so deeply that I can draw that image to this day.  But then I became afraid of how true she was to herself, myself by comparison small and afraid.

I have known it since I picked up a big black book and read about Women Who Run with the Wolves.  My soul responded and I heard the roar for the first time that would echo through my days forever after.  But then I experienced profound grief that made me switch off and question myself and disconnect from most people for a long, long time.

I have known it, but definitions and stereotypes made me question everything:  Woman? Witch? God? Goddess? Sacred? Feminine? Heroine? Queen? Faery? Dark? Light? Magic? Spirituality? Religion? How could I – a ‘good girl’ – find my path amongst those trees?

I have been writing and living and reading around and around it for a long time now.  Every time I got close to touching it, my fingers longingly toying with my pen, knowing that I was capable of saying more, I would retreat to the haven of familiarity and safety.

But it hasn’t given up on me, and now, as I get closer and closer to the centre, it has begun to follow me around.  Images like the one on this door knocker, words tumbling towards me from pages and blogs and meetings with remarkable people all seem to be pointing to the same place.

Sacred. Feminine. Divine. Beautiful.

Home.