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“…once you glimpse the possibility of freedom, taste the ease of soaring, you can’t go back. Once you know, you can’t unknow.” – Geneen Roth

When I asked the Universe for a ‘break’ I didn’t mean a broken foot.   But this foot and the time off of it has given me the break I needed.  Two weeks ago I was dangerously close to drying up.  But then I was given this time: time to read, to hear, to see and to feel so much all at once.

Nothing I have come up with this week is new, but it feels new to me.  It feels like the moments just after you drink a fresh green juice and you can feel it nourishing your cells.  Last week I began asking myself: does this feel like love? It felt so right to be coming from that place, but it was astonishing how many times I said no.

I’ve decided that my mission needs to be to re-establish my relationship with love.  The first step needs to be to stop coming from a place of fear, so I have done a few radical things.  I have ‘unsubscribed’ from all of the mailing lists and websites that are only out to capitalize on my fears about myself or that promise me anything for a one time low price of $397 (regularly $6000.)  I have promised myself that I will never put myself on a diet again, and I have committed to asking the question as many times a day about as many things as possible: Does this feel like love?

I know I am new at this, so I have also committed to go gently.  A young grasshopper must take it slowly!  But being love’s apprentice feels like a wonderful thing to have to work at.

“When you say something like [I love you]… with your whole being, not just with your mouth or your intellect, it can transform the world.” – Thich Nhat Hanh

“As I release the past, the new and fresh and vital enter. I allow life to flow through me.” – Louise Hay

Sometimes we learn our lessons the first time, and other times it takes several tries. Despite surrounding myself with every spiritual and growth book Amazon can recommend, I have been banging my head against the wall trying to figure out what is going on in my life. Fire, flood, filth, drought, pests, isolation, accidents, falls, parents going through major strain, financial issues, constant construction noise, and illnesses have made our world feel like an overwhelming place to be. What was I not getting?

And then I got it.

My life is constipated.  (HA!  Bet you weren’t expecting that!)  Bear with me while I explain.

My thinking has become stuck full of outdated dogma and questions and fears and uncertainty.  My house is full of stuff that I don’t love or need anymore.  My body is full of weight and waste that is really just old gunk.  I don’t need it anymore.  To put it bluntly, I am living with a whole lot of stuck crap.  The problem comes when instead of getting rid of it – changing what needs to be changed – I continue to ask why.  I am coming at life from a constipated place, so the universe has been giving me more crap.

How did I figure it out? In the course of one day I got a note from the Universe talking about feeling good, talked to my Dad and realized he was going to be okay, read a quote in this book about finally realizing that I am a grown up and listened to a talk by Neale Donald Walsch that gave me a real a-ha moment.

The real ‘Secret’ isn’t about concentrating so hard that you get a parking place, or the shiny red bicycle, or a cup of coffee (if you’ve seen the movie you know what I mean.)  They did us a disservice making us think that it was about having stuff.   None of that matters. All any of it is about is figuring out what feels good and staying there.

It is about love, plain and simple.

I’m going to try out a little experiment.  I am going to stop trying to create wealth, success and a shiny red anything.  That’s like trying to ride a 10-speed before you have taken off the training wheels.  If I try to manifest anything, it’ll likely just get stuck in all of that crap that’s in the way anyway.  Instead I am going to try to clear the route.

From now on, this is my new criteria:  does this feel like love?

Because if it isn’t love, I don’t want it.

Yes.

Chronic attention to unwanted things holds you in a place of disallowing your physical well-being, as well as disallowing the solutions to other subjects you are focused upon.” – Abraham-Hicks