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emerge, writing

Talespinner

January 30, 2011

“If you are a dreamer, come in.  If you are a dreamer, a wisher, a liar, a hoper, a prayer, a magic-bean-buyer. If you’re a pretender, come sit by my fire, for we have some flax-golden tales to spin.  Come in! Come in!” – Shel Silverstein

 

moon lanternsIt’s taken until age 36, but I think I have finally remembered who I am.  I say remembered because when it came to me I knew I had known it all along, but had put it away somewhere and forgotten all about it like a once-treasured doll now gathering dust on a shelf.

The process of remembering started last summer with the gentle knowledge of my Style Statement brought on during my participation in Jamie’s Circe’s Circle.  During that time, Jamie also helped me to claim that I was indeed a writer, something I had not fully claimed before.

Then last week a book came in the mail and when I opened it and read just one paragraph I remembered a little bit more.  It was not just about writing, but about stories – ancient stories – but it still didn’t feel complete.  I am not and have never been a storyteller.

And then yesterday two things happened simultaneously: I had to write a bio for a guest post and I joined Jamie’s Year of Dreams circle and had to introduce myself.  Bios scare me, so I decided to sleep on it.  This morning I woke really early with a voice running through my head. “If you are a dreamer, come in…” I have carried this poem with me ever since I read it the first time. I had it pinned to the outside of my bedroom door when I was about 12,  I wrote it on the wall of the craft centre I managed and I’ve scribbled it in nearly every quote or notebook I have.

“…for we have some flax-golden tales to spin…”  and I remembered who I was.

So this morning the first thing I wrote was this:

“Last night I struggled to write a bio for a guest post I am doing on a friends’ blog and this morning I woke up with a new word for the bio: Talespinner.  I’m not even sure it’s a real word, but it felt dangerous and magical and it feels more like the kind of writer I am aspiring to be. I write books that take ancient stories and wisdom and make them resonate with a contemporary audience.  I want people reading my words to feel like they are sitting beside a campfire at the knees of their ancestors hearing stories that help them make sense of their modern lives.”

So there it is.  Finally.

Yes.

xo

Musings, Sacred Feminine

Listen for the Nudges

January 24, 2011

“Put your ear down close to your soul and listen hard.” – Annie Dillard

 

I remember my very first proper I-want-to-be-like-you-girl-crush.  I was about 17 and working at a living history museum.  I was demonstrating some open-hearth baking and this woman walked in, rendering me speechless.  She was in her late 20s and had the most amazing hair I had ever seen.  It was light blonde and done in beautiful thin dreadlocks woven through with purple and turquoise ribbons.  Her eyes were nearly the same shade of blue as the ribbons, and I remember the almost physical feeling of wanting to be her.  I actually followed her out of the building and watched her walk away.

I have never forgotten her.

Now I see that that reaction was a very clear nudge from my soul.  Practical, well behaved me, however, would never have dreamed of getting dreads.  A second piercing in one ear took me a week to decide on.  I put the desire for a more bohemian, connected me away with a few other nudges and got on with the process of becoming an adult – an adult with no real sense of her own style.

The best part about soul-nudges, however, is that they never really go away.  Since choosing my word for the year I have actively been paying attention to my crushes and choosing to see them for what they really are.  Girl crush, boy crush, house jealousy or style envy have all been on my radar.  I played for hours on Pinterest this weekend and it turns out that whole Sacred Feminine thing?  It goes pretty deep.  It’s been waiting for me for a long time and now it means business.

The deeper I go the more I realize that I should have been listening to my soul all along.  It turns out it knows me pretty well.

xo

P.S. What about you?  Who’s your girl crush?

Musings, Word of the Year

A Nourished Life

January 9, 2011

“What I’ve found is that our true home is a place of fearlessness in the heart—your heart, my heart, every heart. Furthermore, and much more importantly, home is not some fixed point toward which we aspire; it is steadily expanding state.” – Elena Brower

 

romepostersmeggenge

So far 2011 has not had full participation from me. I have spent the first two weeks of its life full of cold and feeling quite disconnected from the whole thing.  That’s the problem with a new year: if you don’t leap in and take it by the hand and stick with it, you feel like a failure before it is even out of infancy.  But the sun was shining this morning, and I thought I’d give it another try.

Seeking inspiration I started poking around a few blogs.  About half an hour in I realized that I was beginning to feel worse again.  It wasn’t until I got to a colourful blog (which will remain nameless) that sparkling light dawned on this cold-addled brain and I realized that I was doing it again: comparing.

This nameless blogger had made a list of all of the wonderful things she was doing to make sure she was healthy and happy in the new year.  I’m not exaggerating when I say that this list was extensive.  And while I am so happy for her that she is able to cleanse her colon regularly and run miles and do yoga and eat raw vegan food and raise her perfect raw vegan kids, and do a pilgrimage and publish her books and and and, I was not able to pull my head out of my own insecurities enough to just read the list.  All I saw in front of me was: not good enough, not good enough, not good enough.

Opening my email box a few minutes later I was confronted with a sea of ways that I could become good enough if I only gave this person or that company my money.  While I know that there is some wonderful stuff out there, it is becoming increasingly difficult to separate it out because of all of the people wanting to cash in on that culturally pervasive not-good-enough fear.

Thinking about it, there are three things I know for sure:

  • Fear packaged up in a big shiny red bow is still fear.
  • Comparing ourselves to other people’s public sides is extremely dangerous.
  • We will never live up to that unreal ideal.

So here is this blogger’s list of the things she is going to do to be happy and healthy this year:

  1. In every way, every day attempt to choose nourishment.

Yep, that’s it.  On my birthday I chose kindness, for 2011 I chose the focus on my pelt, and if you add those together, it’s all about nourishment of body and soul.  There will be no comparisons, no toxic waste, no fear of not being good enough, and no anger if I don’t manage it. It will be about beginning to see other people as souls also in need of nourishment and getting to know what nourishes me.

And no, I don’t want to buy your box set of DVDs on the subject for $197.00.  But thanks for thinking of me.

xo

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