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My husband and I have recently begun seeing an acupuncturist. Well, we thought we were seeing an acupuncturist. She’s also trained in both Traditional Chinese Medicine and Ayurveda.

For many years now we have been doing everything we know of to help ourselves feel the very best we can feel. While living here that meant a lot of fresh juices (with a Vitamix, not a juicer) and salads and raw things: because raw is obviously the way to go right?

So why were we both still feeling rubbish a lot of the time?

During our first session, when she did her thing, she found that both of us were incredibly depleted. Our ‘digestive fire’ was very low. When she asked us about our eating habits, she told us that actually what we were doing – putting a fresh, cold raw juice in first, and eating lots of raw veggies – was actually making our depletion worse. What we needed right now (all of this can change as we heal) were things to fire up our digestion, not dampen it down.

And you know what? I knew it. I never felt great after a salad. I knew that I felt better when I had cooked stuff alongside the raw, but so many people said that raw food was better for me, I ignored my body and ate salad. (I am looking forward to healing my fire so much that I feel great eating salads!)

So along with other things, we have been starting each day with a cup of hot water with fresh ginger in it. We’ve been having soups instead of salads and cooked veggies instead of raw ones.

And we are starting to feel a lot better.

I’m telling you this story because my procrastination tactic for the last hour included looking up things that might support this new health – and when I found myself reading about these amazing adaptogenic mushrooms, I started to laugh.

When I was a kid someone told me that mushrooms didn’t need sunshine to grow. That (and the texture) freaked me out and I couldn’t eat a mushroom for years and years (and still have to decide it’s okay on a case-by-case basis).

We try so hard to be good. To be positive. To shine. To glow. To be in the light. To feel the fear and do it anyway. To be high-vibe (save me from this term!) all of the time.

We either avoid or fondle the darkness because in the dark is where we find our shadows, our intensity, and our broken-ness.

Why can’t we also find our health and our healing in the dark? Why can’t we just see that the only way to healing is to see the goodness in both?

Nature knows. 

As we work our land and begin to plant things, we are discovering that – despite what we have been told – growing things don’t necessarily need a lot of sunsine. In fact, there are some things that need full sunshine, others like dappled shade, others like full shade, and some like near-total darkness. Everything here is finding its way and doing its own thing. Some plants grow deep roots in the earth, some grow a shallow web of roots and are barely clinging on, some grow bigger roots up and away from the edge of the river or mountain (to brace themselves so that they don’t fall down or in), and some simply send roots out, hoping to catch on to something.

Everything does its own thing. There is no value in one over another. Each has adapted to do what they need to do. None of those plants or animals or insects is wishing that they were different. None of them is wondering whether they are right to feel best in the deep, rich, protected soil of the rainforest floor, or whether their faces should stop following the sun (many do!).

The Equinoxes are the only two times in the entire year that there is equal light and dark. They are the only two times – and last only a short short time – that the earth is in ‘balance’.

There is, in fact, no way to always remain in balance. There is no having everything. There is no perfect way, because your way might need more light or more water or more raw vegetables, or more meat or more mushrooms than mine. Your way this time around might need more quiet or more parties or more books or more hiking or more paragliding and less flying than mine. Your way might need more music or less scent or more children or more pets or more security or less dancing or more introspection or different beliefs or more shoes than the person you are thinking ‘has it all’.

Find your way. Stop trying to be something you are not. Lean towards the things you love. Allow your roots to grow into the places where you need support. Turn your face to the sun or the moon or the stars or the earth or the wind or the sea. Be open to the lessons, try to understand what’s coming up to be looked at and learn from it. The spiral is a very important shape in the natural world. We are cyclical and rhythmic and as connected to this planet as any other growing thing.

If you are a tree, stop comparing yourself to the vines. If you are a vine, stop comparing yourself to the mushrooms. If you are a mushroom, stop comparing yourself to the flowers. There is potent medicine in all of them. And their vibe is just as high no matter where they are growing.

You are here for a very important reason: to be you. Rumi said: “Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love. It will not lead you astray.” If you are longing to put your face in the sunshine, find some. If it feels too bright, go into the shade. But do what feels good and feels right for you. There is no such thing as sustainable balance.

What do you want? What do you love? What feels good? Start there.

xo