“What I’ve found is that our true home is a place of fearlessness in the heart—your heart, my heart, every heart. Furthermore, and much more importantly, home is not some fixed point toward which we aspire; it is steadily expanding state.” – Elena Brower
So far 2011 has not had full participation from me. I have spent the first two weeks of its life full of cold and feeling quite disconnected from the whole thing. That’s the problem with a new year: if you don’t leap in and take it by the hand and stick with it, you feel like a failure before it is even out of infancy. But the sun was shining this morning, and I thought I’d give it another try.
Seeking inspiration I started poking around a few blogs. About half an hour in I realized that I was beginning to feel worse again. It wasn’t until I got to a colourful blog (which will remain nameless) that sparkling light dawned on this cold-addled brain and I realized that I was doing it again: comparing.
This nameless blogger had made a list of all of the wonderful things she was doing to make sure she was healthy and happy in the new year. I’m not exaggerating when I say that this list was extensive. And while I am so happy for her that she is able to cleanse her colon regularly and run miles and do yoga and eat raw vegan food and raise her perfect raw vegan kids, and do a pilgrimage and publish her books and and and, I was not able to pull my head out of my own insecurities enough to just read the list. All I saw in front of me was: not good enough, not good enough, not good enough.
Opening my email box a few minutes later I was confronted with a sea of ways that I could become good enough if I only gave this person or that company my money. While I know that there is some wonderful stuff out there, it is becoming increasingly difficult to separate it out because of all of the people wanting to cash in on that culturally pervasive not-good-enough fear.
Thinking about it, there are three things I know for sure:
- Fear packaged up in a big shiny red bow is still fear.
- Comparing ourselves to other people’s public sides is extremely dangerous.
- We will never live up to that unreal ideal.
So here is this blogger’s list of the things she is going to do to be happy and healthy this year:
- In every way, every day attempt to choose nourishment.
Yep, that’s it. On my birthday I chose kindness, for 2011 I chose the focus on my pelt, and if you add those together, it’s all about nourishment of body and soul. There will be no comparisons, no toxic waste, no fear of not being good enough, and no anger if I don’t manage it. It will be about beginning to see other people as souls also in need of nourishment and getting to know what nourishes me.
And no, I don’t want to buy your box set of DVDs on the subject for $197.00. But thanks for thinking of me.
xo
I love this and I couldn’t agree with you more. You made a very good point- when perusing someone’s online home, you are getting a very clear picture of their public side, and often times that is the most ideal persona projected for all the world to see. Many omit their flaws. It’s so easy to mistake the online personality for a whole round person, and that’s where comparison is poison.
You’re a hero, Megg. Gorgeous blog; an honour to be included in your process.
I so resonate with this, and the way that comparison rips one apart, and that feeling of fighting between wanting to grow in happiness & health and knowing it doesn’t come with a price tag, that I’m not missing out if I don’t sign up, purchase, attend the onslaught of resolution madness that the fear mongers are peddling.
Your blog always makes me smile & reassures I’m not the only one… thank you for this, and for being a ray of sunshine!
Hi Megg: A few years ago I remember hearing someone say on Oprah that women quite often compare the insecure parts of themselves to what they see as the secure and strong parts of other women. Another way to beat ourselves up. May 2011 be full of moments of nourishment and brilliance for you.
It’s good to read your blog today and to know that I’m not the only one doing the “not good enough” thing when faced with “buy this e-course” email or when I can’t seem to find the other bloggers out there “similar” to me! It’s good to see all the creative stuff other women are doing, don’t get me wrong, I do feel good for them but it is hard somedays not to let that throw me off my own track!
Nourishment sounds just right for keeping the priorities and self-awareness at the top of the list. Thank you very much. I hope your year is full of just what you need Megg.
How timely your blogs always are Megg. Hit the nail right on the head with this one for me today. For me these feelings of ‘ not enough’ and comparison sometimes come along gradually, creeping up on me, niggling at me. But today they came with an almighty wallop. And from a source I did not expect. But from where ever they arise its important to rise above those fears, remember who you are and what you do and what you achieve and be happy and content with that. A friend always says to me “Be good to yourself!” and it’s true. We are the only ones that can truly nourish our selves. Thank you for making me feel less alone in my thinking, and for pulling me above my self-destructive thoughts. Here’s to lots of nourishing in 2011 – best resolution yet!!
xxx
hmmm…if you don’t want the boxed DVD’s for $197, how about the Mastering Your Entire Life In One Single Box program for a mere $1,997?! 😉 i am SO with you on this one. Happy New Year, Megg! xo
This surely resonates with me. I’m still sorting out what I want 2011 to be about, and still fending off those pesky internal gremlins. I just finished my set of vision cards for the year, and used an intuitive process. I’m looking forward to discovering what they mean! This year I’m exploring what it means to move toward a dream, and feeling my way around discovering processes that work for ME. I refuse to beat myself up this year for trying something and failing. Good to read your blog, Megg!
Hi Megg-Happy New Year! I am going to try blogging again as i really miss you guys. Can you believe it was five years ago all our paths first diverged? I definitely can get on and off the self-care/goals track but whether or not one is on it that is independent of one’s worth. We’re all more than good enough as is either way whether or not you ever lift your pinky to do anything again. That said, I know I do feel so much better when I am taking real action towards goals. When I lost almost 70 pounds in 2007, it was an incredibly powerful feeling to have done it…of course Saturday Laini and I troggled back into Weight Watchers to both trim and tighten up! But if you are temporarily discouraged hang in there- it will pass!
me too – all of this!
Right on, Well said, Amen!
Well. I know you’re not talking about me, ’cause perfect vegan kids I do not have. More like, whats in the freezer from Trader Joe’s ready made kids… lol Ohhhh welllll.
Life is too short, sister. The older we get, the shorter. I have been trying to figure out what I can do to be more of who I THOUGHT I would be by now, and beating myself up. I decided not to anymore.
😉
well said, Megg. Thanks for sharing, it’s nice to hear I’m not the only one busy comparing and wallowing in my insecurities! I look forward to reading more about your journey to nourish body and soul…
Oh, I love you Meg, I really do.
You express things so perfectly.
You make me sit taller in my chair, and pay attention.
Such a good post.
xo