36

“Wish on everything. Pink cars are good, especially old ones. And stars of course, first stars and shooting stars. Planes will do if they are the first light in the sky and look like stars. Wish in tunnels, holding your breath and lifting your feet off the ground. Birthday candles. Baby teeth.” – Francesca Lia Block

Today I turn 36.  In some ways  I am exactly the same (the desk I am sitting at right now looks alarmingly like the desk in this picture) as I was when I was small.

This morning I realize that whether 3 or 36, there is still this core of me-ness that has always been and always will be there.

I wish I could go back and hug that little angel in the picture and tell her that she is going to have an amazing life.  She is going to love and be loved.  She’s going to travel to and live in a whole different country.  She is going to experience deep loss and big joy. She is going to spend an awful lot of her money on books. She is going to have some great friends. She’s going to learn to love olives and eat too much avocado. She’s going to discover at 34 that she has Celiac Disease (that knowledge would have saved a lot of stomach aches!)  She is going to make a list at 17 that describes her perfect partner and be surprised at 28 when she finds him somewhere unexpected. She is going to cry a lot and laugh a lot and be disappointed and excited. She is going to return time and time again to her parents’ kitchen table to sort out her world. She is going to be a late bloomer in many ways that are worth waiting for.  She is always going to love to read and enjoy her own company.  She is going to be okay.

Welcome 36.  I am not going to make a list of 36 things to do before I reach 37.  I’ve learned that I don’t do well with long to-do lists because they just give me another reason to be hard on myself.  Before I reach 37 I am going to do one and only one thing:  I am going to learn to be and then practice being kind to myself.  I think if I get that the other stuff will fall into place.

Wherever you are, I hope that you have a wonderful day. My birthday wish is that you make one special wish for yourself.

Love to you.

xo