2009

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Turning Thirty-Five

October 21, 2009

“Anyone who keeps the ability to see beauty never grows old.” – Kafka

Thirty-Five is looming. Thirty Five is looming large on the horizon. It’s looming so large that it will be here in a matter of days. For the first time in my life I have not been excited by a birthday up until today, and that makes me sad. Usually I begin celebrating in my head long before the actual day. When I was thirty my friend and I began planning the party months in advance. This one: not so much.

My darling husband had the nerve to say the other day that, “Thirty-Five isn’t a BIG birthday.” What? Snort. Clearly he is a) not a woman and b) insane. For some reason, I have seen it as the birthday. I don’t care about forty in the slightest, because by then I will already have been Thirty-Five and that’s where the tide turned in the other direction.

How LUDICROUS is all of this? Honestly, this morning I sat down and gave myself a good talking to. I am more creative now than I have been in years. I have a better understanding of who I am and what I want than ever. All of the signs from the Universe have been saying ‘Yes!’ I am in a marriage with a man who honours all of that and has dreams and plans of his own. Seriously. What is there to worry about? My ovaries? Wrinkles? Sagging boobs? Puh.

Bring it on.

totems, Wild Woman

Walking Home

October 20, 2009

“Sell your cleverness and purchase bewilderment.” – Rumi

megandtree My commute home from work consists of a ten minute walk through a garden, an avenue of trees, a field and a tiny path through some woods. We’ve been here for about five months now, and I have yet to take it for granted. It feels so special that on my very first walk, even though it was my first day and I was nervous, I whispered a greeting to several of the trees. (I have been known to talk to things in the past, but these trees in particular compelled my attention. I think they actually greeted me first.)

In the months since, I have gotten to know the residents of my walk quite well. We whisper to each other, and share the beginning and end of the day in quiet companionship. Yesterday on my walk home, though, something was different. Creating this website has already begun to change me. I have been paying far closer attention to my life, and trying to be more conscious in my thoughts and deeds. Yesterday the air was cold the way that only October air can be. The late afternoon light was shining golden through the all of the layers of copper and green and yellow and brown all around me. I walked up a slight rise and noticed a single white dandelion standing alone on the top of the hill, silhouetted against the group of dark trees. It sounds so simple but at that moment I had to stop and catch my breath. I felt connected: deep, dark, ancient, golden connection.

I read a poem once about trees. I can’t remember much about it, but I remember that it said that a tree’s reality was deeper and slower than ours and that we had to slow down if we wanted to make their acquaintance. I hope that whatever season it is in your world, that you are able to make friends with a tree today. I think you will find that it will appreciate the effort.

Oh, and send it my love!